Posts Tagged ‘infertility support’

So it is national family week here in the UK and I am experiencing the same mixture of emotions as I do on Mothers day . For while I am , and always will be , incredibly grateful to be the mum of two IVF children , times like this  still make me feel incredibly sad and frustrated .

Sad because the truth is that for 1 in 6 UK couples they are still stuck in the no mans land that is Infertility . They are on the path to parenthood but not actually there yet , nor really able to say when that point will be reached . It is quite frankly one of the toughest places to be in .

And frustrated because perhaps as a society our concept of what makes up family is still unbelievably ridgid and fixed on a specific model . When peole are asked for a Knee jerk reaction on what is a family I would put money on the initial image being the 2.2 kids and a labrador one , rather than what we see in reality .

Please dont get me wrong I am not saying at all that this image is bad at all .

BUT IS THAT IT ?!

Two things recently have given me hope …

The first is slightly less serious being the fantastic comedy programme that is” Modern family “..an often watched programme in our house . What this programme does so well is to look at several modern families that are somewhat unconventional and yet with such warmth and humour to show how diverse ” family ” can be .

There are the two Gay dads who have adopted from overseas , the Older dad who has married a much younger woman and finds himself parenting her child again .And there is the slightly more ” normal” mum dad and three children who are trying to work out and muddle through family life anyway .

Besides being laugh out loud funny the programme always seems to get its point across so compassionately . These people are not perfect in any way , but they are trying their best and genuinly love and care for the smaller and wider families represented .

And when I look around at life in the Fertility clinic , or at my friends or even society in general I am so relieved to have such an image being portrayed .

The second ray of hope came from the sunday service on Radio 4 this last week and was such a huge encouragement to me personally .

It would have been so easy to follow the traditional line in a sermon at the start of national family week , to hold up one type of family and ignore all the otherpeople out there . But instead the preacher talked about the need to look outside and become more inclusive in our concept of family . To not get stuck in thinking you could only be happy with the 2.2 kids model . Indeed a model that Jesus never even followed himself . His family he said were anyone who chose to be with him and spend time with him .

I have heard so many times close friends talk about friendship groups as their family , and seen lived out people whose homes are permanently open to others . An inclusive model lived out in reality .

So rather than family being a shut door , or a them and us concept , maybe it could be so much bigger than that ?

And yet these thoughts are not being aimed at those people still going through Infertility , still on their path . There is still the absolute need for them to find out what sort of family they may arrive at on their journeys end . To define and create a family for themselves .

These thoughts and emotions are simply MY knee jerk reaction to this years national family week …happiness , sadness , frustration and determination .And the hope that support for families may start to include those still on the path to achieving their dreams .

All best wishes

Anya

I ran the central London fertility support group last night and was left again realising the huge strength that there is in numbers .

We had around 16 people come , some new faces some old ( not literally ..they were actually a very attractive bunch ! ) all at various stages of the Infertility journey .

We shared frustrations , tears , anger , confusion and wonderfully there was actually quite  a bit of laughter . And I think most people left feeling so much stronger and better equipped for the next stage .

During my own battle with Infertility I found strength and support in a variety of places . Some obvious ones like the wonderful INUK ( www.infertilitynetworkuk.com ) and ACEBABES . Some more serendipitous ones like the email friend I made at the national infertility day .

But I made sure I was supported .

Most recently I have made a very dear friend who has been through such a lot herself and works as a counsellor for fertility issues , Julia Bueno (www.juliabueno.co.uk ) who I only wish I had known  a few years back .

There were certainly times when people said the most amazingly crass and insensitive things ( ” Can you please just cheer up now , so we can all be happy again ..”) But actually there were some hugely moving moments of care too .

For example the friend who just turned up one day with chocolates and magazines , or the many many prayers that people said when we had run out of faith ourselves . These moments of support were like Gold to us and still mean an incredible amount .

It was that same feeling last night at the group that was jut so tangible . People with more than enough on their plates actually bothering to not only listen but to swap ideas , and tips and genuine hope for positive outcomes .

The strange thing with Infertility , as with many many life challenges is that it brings to the surface not just the difficult stuff , but also the moments of genuine goodness . When we notice that we are not alone and that people can REALLY care for us and our situation .

Thankyou again to the central London Support group for helping me realise this anew .

Best Wishes

Anya