I am currently reading a wonderful book called the Happiness project by Gretchen Rubin , and loving it , truly loving it .

 The premise is basically that the author having read , researched and investigated the numerous theories related to Happiness decides to commit a year of her life to the pursuit of it in reality with all the stresses and strains of every day life .

I have only read about a third of the book but already am finding such a lot that I completely agree with . Namely that Happiness is a mixture of genetics ( she reckons around 50% ) life circumstances ( around 20% ) and the rest our thoughts and actions .

There is therefore quite a large aspect of happiness which is in some ways controlable despite circumstances .

This surely also picks up on what Victor Frankl called the last of ones great freedoms , the ability to choose how we react to something .

But …HOW  HOW  HOW  can this apply to someone facing fertility issues ?

How can we casually say to someone who has just faced a miscarriage or a failed IVF that hapiness is still possible ?

In some ways we cant . Infertility is one of the hardest life challenges a person will face . It is sad , frustrating , annoying , unfair and even at times boring . I remember being so bored of just feeling low , as though I were carrying around that small black cloud like the pink panther on a permanent basis .

I was and am still so tired by people telling those going through Infertility to think positive to make it all ok , or to worry less , take a holiday etc as though this were the magic wand .

No , for me , Ironically the path to finding at least some happiness during Infertility lies in starting with the acknowledgement that this just is hard and that actually it does hurt .

AND THATS OK .

But , and here it comes , from there to be proactive on every level possible at seeking out happiness , comfort and peace however and whenever we can .

To realise when we are happiest and to be proactive about making sure those aspects are included  in our lives .

So to brainstorm …

who makes you happy ?

What makes you happy ?

What are the things ( non fertility related ) that squash our happiness ?

For me they are a bit of a mad mixture of things ….My faith makes me happy and content , my relationships with my husband and some key friends , but then so does time by myself to do not very much at all , or the knowledge that my wardrobe is tidy ( its not at the moment …). I feel happy when I can get a bit of time and perspective in all the rush of life , or when things make me laugh such as the IT crowd or the Office .

On a small level too I admit it , wandering round the Cath Kidston store or reading a Boden catalogue makes me happy . I know ….

Choosing to include these things in my life . And perhaps most importantly , choosing that my life is worth putting these things into , just helps .

Infertility cant be imagined away ..no life crisis can . But maybe we can , even in the toughest of times seek out ways to push onwards .

All best wishes

Anya